How I Work: Relationship & Couples Counselling

The Science of Love

Research Shows That the Need to Connect is Wired into Our Brains

Built into our DNA is the need to connect. We all want and need to be loved. When our closest relationships are not working, it impacts on our whole life. It can be painful, confusing and frustrating when we want love but can’t seem to make it work. It can also lead to feelings of depression and anxiety. A vicious cycle can develop as the unhappier and more anxious you become, relationship problems typically get worse.

The good news is…there is always hope for even the most troubled relationship.

You don’t have to say good-bye to your partner – relationship counselling works!

Your relationship can get better if you have the will and take the appropriate actions to improve it. The specific answers to your relationship struggles are unique, yet there is a science that shows what you need to do to get closer to one another.

When you get stuck and cannot resolve your troubles on your own, you need the support of a therapist who specializes in relationships– Someone who can show you how to apply the science of love to your relationship – or the relationship you want to have in the future.

I offer a Supportive Counselling Environment to Help You Become Better at Love

As your relationship therapist, I provide a caring and compassionate approach that supports and guides you towards having the best relationship possible.

I do this by understanding your unique story, your struggles and your happy moments. I then help you grow closer to your current partner or prepare for more closeness with a future partner.

90% of Couples Show Improvement With Emotionally Focused Therapy

My therapy practice is based on a proven technique called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT is based on over 20 years of research. For individuals with relationship problems it focuses on helping people manage or regulate difficult and destructive emotions so that they can have better relationships.

In individual relationship therapy we’ll work towards developing a trusting client-therapist relationship that helps you tune into your emotional world, listen to yourself and identify your most important needs.  You will be empowered to take a new stance, being and behaving in a way that is more fulfilling and impactful on your relationships.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is used for couples in trouble. It focuses on creating and strengthening the emotional bond between both partners by identifying and transforming interactions that lead towards a loving relationship.

EFT therapists help couples learn that love is a constant process of tuning in, connecting, missing and misreading cues, disconnecting, repairing and finding deeper connection. It focuses on creating and strengthening the emotional bond between both partners by identifying and interrupting repetitive negative interactions and discovering how to reach for each other for comfort and support.

By strengthening their emotional bond and feelings of security and safety in the relationship, couples create a more emotionally open and receptive way of interacting. This allows for the sharing of their vulnerable feelings, fears and needs.

EFT for couples is one of the most scientifically validated types of counselling for couples.

Research shows that when couples experience EFT, 70–75% of them move from distress to recovery and that 90% show significant improvements.

3 Stages of EFT

Stage 1:

Understanding the patterns that cause you to be stuck and the strengths that keep you together.

  • We begin relationship therapy by examining your personal history and how it impacts on your thoughts, feelings and behavior in relationships.
  • We then examine the exact patterns of relating that are causing problems in your relationship(s).
  • Next, we identify the surface feelings that are evoked when engaged in negative communication patterns, as well as the deeper feelings that are underneath.
  • Finally, your complete cycle of intimate relating is revealed. i.e. What behaviors trigger certain feelings, and the sequence of events that occur that cause the problems.

Stage 2:

Overcoming unhealthy relationship patterns and increasing your relationship bond.

  • Once you have the awareness of your specific cycle of relating, you will share these deeper aspects of yourself. If you are in couples counselling, you’ll share them with your partner during our sessions. If you are single and in individual relationship therapy, you and I will discuss them together.
  • Couples will listen deeply to each partner’s most vulnerable feelings and experiences. This helps you understand where each of your behavior is coming from.
  • You and your partner (or you and I if you are single) will then discuss what your partner can do when your deepest fears and insecurities are triggered.  We’ll discuss what you need in order to feel secure and connected during these times and how to communicate your needs to your partner.

Stage 3:

Create new, healthy patterns of communicating and maintain ongoing intimacy.

  • Couples will discuss and resolve old issues or problems while staying connected to each other. At this stage of therapy, you’ll notice that it is much easier to hear each other with caring and compassion.
  • You’ll both be aware of your past patterns of relating and will be better able to recognize them when they crop up in the future. This in turn will help each of you stay in tune with one another so that you can help each other when you get stuck in your communication.
  • You can now celebrate your new way of relating and the success you have made. You will feel happier and closer than perhaps you’ve ever felt before.

Single or coupled, EFT Works…

Allow me to show you the proven steps to achieve lasting love.

Contact me to find out how I can help you improve your relationships.

Hold Me Tight Retreats
Couples Therapy
Individual Couple Therapy